the news

we new the news wasnt going to be good news. we knew that it was going to be hard to handle. but we never thought it would be like this. they went to the dr. it took almost 2 hrs. that was my first clue that somthing was up. than my mom called said she was getting his meds and talking with the uncles. that was my second clue. and my suspison that it wasn't good new was confirmed when my mom came home. she asked if i wanted to know. i didnt hesitate when i said yes. i wanted to know, but at the same time i couldn't hear it. she told me that he has masses in both his lungs and somthing eating away at his spine. i asked if the masses were cancerouse and she said that they most likely were. my heart just sank. it took everything i had not to cry right than. why does it have to be canser again. cancer being the thing that is going to take away 2 people that i love so much. it's not fair and i try not to think about it but its hard not to. me and my mom were driving and talking about it she said why couldnt he just have a heart attack and die in his sleep so he doesnt have to suffer. at first i was like what the hell! than i thought about it and agreed with her. i dont know if i can handle watching yet another person that i love battle for their life. in fact i know i wont be able to do it. it's going to be hard and i dont want to deal but god wouldnt have given me these obstacales if he knew i couldnt deal with them....right?

scared of whats to come

so a few days ago my grandfather got a catscan and the doctor called like yesterday and said that he had to see him. my mom is going to the doctor with him today at 4. we were tallking about it yesterday in the car. she said that it isnt going to be good news. im so scared about what the doctor is going to say. i mean hes 90 of course he is going to have problems, but hes my grandfather and my rock. with all the stuff my family had to deal with the past few years i could always count on him. i love him sooo much and i dont know what i would do without him. who will mess my hair up at my wedding if hes not there? he cant go i need him here to tell me all the crazy stories he tells. and to sing his songs. he has a song for everything. i honastly cant imagain my life without my granpyy. and i dont want to have to live my life without him. i know its not going to be good. and i know that this was going to happen sooner or later. i just wish that it was later.