little miss emo

so after i posted my last entry i relized that most of my blogs are sad and deppresing. and im sorry for that, but thats just how my life is right now.
hopefully it will change soon, but lets not hold our breath....

im sorry and i miss you

so this day is like a seasaw. when i woke up i wasn't happyy because i relized what a terible friend i am. than as the day when on i got happier. now after reading some stuff and remembering i feel bad again.
i am such a bad friend. like what kind of person forgets that kind of stuff? i'll tell you not a good friend. there are no words that could ever describe how terrriblee i feel! i hope she knows that i love her and would never what to hurt her!! she is my girl!

and thinking that yesterday was one of the dredful 2's made it a little worse.
i just miss her way to much. because now more than ever i need my sister. i need someone to talk to that knows what is going on. i get so jealouse when people talk about their sister hearing all they do together and knowing that i will never have that. and i want to have that. i want to go though one day and not cry because i miss her. i don't want to be sad all the time. i was at the movies with my cousin we saw bride wars and i sat there thinkning that all my friends prolly will have their sisters as their bridesmaids and that is what i want. i want to be able to say that my sister is my bridesmaid but i cant and that killls me.
i just miss her and need to talk to her because no one will ever understand what i have to deal with.

bad day

what do you do when the world you thought you knew came crashing down and all you can do is sit back and watch it fall apart? well if i knew the answer to that than i wouldn't be writing this now would i? it seems like when you finally figure life out, when you finally feel that everything is going well in your life somthing bad happends that makes you rethink everything. life is hard and difficult. people die. people lose their jobs. people don't have enough money to pay thier bills. it is really hard to see that, but what is worse is having to live that. having to not being able to do things with your friends because you don't have enough money for it. it is really hard and confusing. we are young. the biggest problems that we should have to face are boys/girls, grades, mean girls etc. but these day we teenagers have to deal with falling in and out of love. losing loved ones. or having a parent lose their job. it is really hard to be a teenager (or anybody) these days, life doesn't come easy. and i guesse that is good. if it did than we wouldn't be strong or we can never really live life. it is really hard to have to face these difficulties and not know how to react to them. to bad there isn't book on life telling us what to do and what not to do. that would be helpful...

the truth

"maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for."

my rambling inspiraton!

there are times in life when we question what we do. times when we wonder what the hell we were thinking. and times when we wish we could go back and relive the truly amazing moments in life. there are times when we want to go back and relive the moment or relive the feeling you have when you see someone you love. we face these times everyday. wether we relize it or not they happen. sometimes we have to remember these times that make us happy, because without them we are nothing. these are the times that when all else fails if you think of them than you will feel like you are there again. these are the times that make us who we are. these are the times that i live for. the times that i can't imagian my life without.

2008 a year to remember....

a year has came and went. there was gains and loses in 2008. many things have changed. and yet it feels the same.
shes still isn't here with us. we all want her to be here, but if there is were she is happy and healthy than we just have to wait it out till we get to go there and see her again.
over this past year i have lost a friend, but gained sooo manyy more. there are things i did that i regret, but would never take back. there were hard times that all i wanted to do was just end it, but than i thought of all the things that i promised myself i would do. the things she would never be able to do. this year was pretty mellow(ish) compared to the past year. sure we had our scares, but we also had our wonderful memories.
i think i've changed. i relized the people that i can trust. the people that i can tell my heart and soul to. and the people that are just there to have a good time. all of these people are imprtant to me and i wouldn't have been able to deal with the stuff in my life without them.
i would say me best memory of 2008 is when the phillies won the world serise.
and the 2 best memory of 2008 is watching the girls win districss!!